It’s no secret that a lot of people are afraid of intimacy. Vulnerability is scary, and many people just hope the other person can handle it without telling them, “You’re weird.” As a counselor, I see many people who want to learn how to open up and share in a vulnerable way, which is a wonderful thing for relationships! However, I rarely see people in my office who are trying to learn how to be better equipped for handling someone else opening up to them. For some reason, we spend far less time preparing to be the receiver of vulnerability and this is a skill we all need to cultivate. It’s important for us to not feel out of place when someone begins crying or emotionally opening up in some other way so that we can actively provide for them a safe place to be open.
We see an example of this need in Scripture with Job and his friends who did well ministering to Job’s need until they began to speak (Job 4:1-13). Job was grieved by his circumstances and shared this with his friends, but when they responded to Job, they made many of the same mistakes we still make today by immediately trying to fix the apparent problem and explaining away the sadness. Even Job’s wife gave him the snappy advice to “…Curse God and die.” (Job 2:9b). Being the fixer and explaining it all away are still two of the biggest pitfalls in responding to a loved one who is opening up to us. Let’s break them down.